contrast

I think i've been to heaven & hell all in 1 day. Today, my experience is so roller-coaster-ed. Actually, i had a bad morning, i was so down, it was so awful. Well, am not gonna say it, but it can be concluded as 折墮 (misery? what word suits better?). It means looking at what you are getting now after so much that you've done.

Then i went to settle my house signing documents. Then rush back to office for helping up Louis. Today is Elly birthday, we had a lovely dinner with her. It's like i was in hell in the morning, went for a transit for heaven in the making, then jump onto a fast lane adventure helping out a friend. Then having dinner in heaven, i mean the dinner was nice. Ha...

catcing up

I had a dinner with my lovely girlfriend last night. It felt great. I never talked so much in a long time. Me and her can really talk, and it's something that i never thought about, not when we first met. I mean we are so so so different, our friends, background, everything, but we really can talk, even when there are only 2 of us. It doesn't happen very often i guess, or to most of the people, like if i ask you, how many friends of yours who can talk with you 1 on 1. Well, i have sa few, and she's 1 of them.
1 of highlight of the dinner is, she's the third friend of mine who told me that 'she's dating' in 1 week. Ya, at first i didn't realize that, then when i was smiling at her, she asked, what are you smiling for? Then i remembered, oh, she's the third, and it's all happened in a week. Is that a coincidence, or something else, i don't know. But i'm so happy for them, wishing them the best.
It was also a good dinner for laughter, that's it felt so great. I guess i've been having so little laughter lately, it's so minimal. Not that i don't know what is going on, just that i don't even have the energy to bother it. I don't know, i feel powerless on everything, nothing seems right. My company is having so much trouble around, retrenchment, pay-cut, everybody is leaving, though this bother me the least, but the 'qi' already is so negative. My body condition is getting worse, i'm not sure whether is physically or mentally, my backache is getting worse, i'm easily get tired, or am i already old?!?, shit, i'm just fucking 28! Not to say my worst part, it haunts me the most. Sigh, everything is... wrong. I hate to say it, but i can't lie.
So, thanks for the dinner.

a year a title

I just past a year here in this company early this month. It's like i've been here for years. I know the year wasn't easy, hence i've been through a lot. But that doesn't stop time from passing by so fast. On last Friday, we had a staff meeting , and my promotion was announced. It was't unexpected, i've been told already, it should be exciting, i guess, i am too, but at the same time, i got all the mixed up emotion. Even when i first thought of blogging this, it was in good mood, then when i'm writting it, mmm, it turns the other way round. Everything seems not quite fit, or timing is the word that could say it all? Is a year too early? Also the co is not doing well, so a promotion doesn't seems conducted. The position i got has never existed, it's been made up for me. Then there goes the job scope, everybody including me is confused on what am i suppose to do, or how far could it go? To make it worse, i'm actually still doing what i was doing, ya, so that making sense to my new title, SOS, same old shit.

bad thing, good thing

I thought i have losing the faith of blogging, now i guess, maybe i've been too busy, maybe i was really losing my faith on blogging, maybe i just shouldn't force myself to write. When words come to your head, you'll know what to write.
My company had a staff meeting last Friday, so news announced that my company isn't doing well, or bad or pretty bad. We are losing money, a lot of money. So the company trip is postponed, or to be more frank, it's canceled. It's not unexpected, and i didn't see anybody was having so much of disappointment. But for me...
He wasn't going, he couldn't. He had a plan on flying back to his hometown. We were first planned to share a room on the trip. But the date fell on the same day he planned to go back. Then i thought i didn't fell good about going too. So now when the trip is called off, i fell... cool.

happy cny 2009

Still can make it since today is the last day of this year cny. Wow, i've been so left out from the blogging world for so long. This thingy has been fading off, if the last post was a milestone for me, then carry on for the next 1 is difficult.
I'm still fucked up with my love life. Work is still busy, but fortunately it's in a different way. How should i say this, i'm actually still doing what i was doing, but at the same time, i'm learning and working on something new, totally new for me, and i have so much fun doing it. I'm supposed to be more busy than i was, because beside working on my own job, i have to occupy extra time for my extra new job scoop. It's hell busy, but at least i know what i'm doing, and i'm enjoy doing, hopefully soon i'll be all on this, and fuck the old job position.

phew...

What a day, or a week, or a month i should say.
Sigh, when i went collect my car from car park after work yesterday, i found out that my car got banged! Tiu nia sing, all out of a sudden, i have to spend extra money to fix my car. It's not that bad, but bad enough. Now i have to spend a few hundreds more when i already had spent so much this month! Sigh! After all the christmas shopping, my car insurance renewal, all the bills, now i have this. Before this, I was planning to get him a watch, now, god knows. Arghh... i wish am rich.

My company is going to have a Christmas party the coming monday, I've never got a a big one since the last time i left here, well, i had a few small in between, but not as big. This is going to be a fun one, at leaast am hoping, and it's better be. The theme for the party is 'Back to School'. It's lame, who doesn't know, but let's pray it'll turn out to be a fun 1. Of cause me and my girlfriends will dress up nicely, do expect some funny pictures!

half filled

This is rare happens, but i do it sometimes too. Woke up in the evening, ate a pack of instant noodle, walked out from the house, went to the nearest place to online, i'm writing this online, i'm bloging this live. Not having so much positive feeling going around, i'm feeling tired, a bit vulnerable, and half filled (am not that 'empty' empty, but yet filled). I slept for 2 hours just now, didn't sleep yesterday night, i was up watching video whole night, i couldn't sleep because i past out for the whole afternoon yesterday, i slept from 2 to 9. Yeah i didn't work yesterday, or should i say i finished work yesterday. I worked from Thursday till next day. This is not new, it happened. Like what my house mate asked, what kind of work is that, that needs you to work like that? If you asked me, i'd say that's a work giving me a living now. I didn't work overnight for fun, i think nobody does, i work for money, for a living. And in this industry, in this position, it happens.

once in long while

If you think that wait till 6 everyday at work is torturing, you are lucky. To me, being able to leave the office by 6 is a dream come true. I was so excited today (31st July), for once in a very long time, i left the office by 7. It's really been sometime, after my only 'same position colleague' left. My works had been pretty heavy, i've been leaving the office the last quite often. So, being home early today, i did a lot that i could seldom do on weekdays. I went swimming, i had a satisfying dinner, i washed my cloths, i cut myself a new hair, i wrote a blog post!
Feel bad having second post of my Siem Reap trip postponed for days, i'm doing it now, it's on the way.
Oh, my blog is turning one year old this month.

the place

This is the place i spend more than 12 hours regularly, constantly and almost daily.

some changes

Wow, finally, i'd made the move. I suppose it was quite a big one, at least it has so much difference compared. I have to wake up on time, get caught in the jam every morning by default, be prepared to go to 'work' (well, i didn't when i was working at the previous place), and 'work'. I have only an hour for lunch time, i work in a big room with plenty of people surrounding me, and last but definitely not the least, no more porn.

new year resolution?

Life has been getting so meaningless lately, I always have the feeling that i haven't done enough things in a day, or should i say i've been wasting time? I don't really get it, everything seems to be so path-less. I'm so clueless at my work, always stuck in the condition that i don't even know why am i in the office, messy situation, always struggle about 'okay, what should i do next?', is it the job or it's me? Thinking about leaving the job, of cause, it's like the thought i've been having in my mind right after the day i joined. Then where to go? Is that the place where i should be going? (not the rite time to mention the name of the place), still doubting about should or shouldn't i go back?!? but then, where else? I know how much i understand the line of 'the more that you wait, the more time that you waste' (remember that?), but i'm just too pathetic in decision making.
The new year is getting so close, i think something just has to be done. Setting up new year resolution? If i set something too hard to accomplish, it's pointless, but if set something easy, i don't get the glory of achievement. Well, i'm never a good planner, but at least i'm having something in my mind which i probably will try it my best.

Resolution 1: Get in shape.
Ya, i know round is a shape, but i want something looks more delicious. I've been going to gym for a year plus, i still don't really see any results on me (well, there might be a little, but no major change), what's wrong with me?!?! Am i not discipline enough? No, i forced myself to go at least 3 times a week, then what? I really have no idea, well, maybe i don't work hard enough, i think i just have to work harder, or maybe change the routine. I just wanna get rid of my tummy, it's been there for centuries. I don't hope to get the wash board shape, but at least make it flat, plz...

Resolution 2: Change job.
I'm kinna tired working in my current company, i started to work here even before Bitchy Spears gone mad (she's been mad for years), so i really need to get outta here. Here has left nothing for me to stay, except the flexible working hour, the long lunch hour, the unlimited excess of internet for me to download videos and movies, having my own room, working without boss in the office most of the time (or all the time), (therefore) having the exclusivity to sleep at working hour, day dreaming, shopping, net surfing, msn-ing, blogging, and etc. So, am i mad or what, aren't those are what every working class has been dreaming to have? Maybe i'm just mad, but i know these are so unhealthy, i feel like i'm degenerating... sigh.

Resolution 3: Make more money.
Of cause changing job could be one of the way, but i mean not only that. I may want to try out new things to get extra. Look for some other ways to earn more money, freelancing, do some business maybe.

Resolution 4: Get myself my own place.
Well, i said get myself, i meant get it by myself (or else who would?). I hope i would be able to get myself my own place in the coming year (years). Although i still don't see the possibility is big enough, but i'll try hard. I always been trying, maybe not hard enough.

Resolution 5: Meet more people.
I always have the face writing 'don't come near me!', or 'fuck off' or 'leave me alone'. I think i have the most unapproachable cibai face in the whole Singapore (well, i don't live there, but the dear place is famous with cibai faces). I never good at mingle with people, with stranger. Maybe i don't like to, or maybe i'm just bad at doing it. So, i hope i could change it, in order to have a more pleasant future in mingling.

I'm not somebody that difficult to pleased, i'm think i'm kinna simple. I don't plan for something too extraordinary, or too impossible to happen. Ya, i know impossible is nothing, but impossible is also something that has the least possibility to happen. I know something could just never happen to sudden people.

UPDATE
I didn't mean to leave you guys outta my reason of staying in this place, so sorry. I might be in the situation of desperado, but i really didn't mean that. Of cause i like you guys, in fact, those are the reason i enjoyed working here. I might not meet as much people as i work in other company, but knowing you guys is just amazing. Being around you guys is so much fun (okay, excluded those stressful expensive lunch), maybe is because every each of you is so unique and hilarious, i just like you guys. So, don't be silly, of cause you are my favorite.